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You Might Be A Palmaholic If.......
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You might be a Palmaholic if.....
You've ever searched through a local nursery's trash dumpster to get discarded plastic pots.
You've ever had someone keep an eye out for security while you harvested seeds.
You've ever had to park your vehicle outside during the winter to make room in the garage for your
palm trees.
The highlight of your day is coming home to check and see if any of your seeds have sprouted.
You've ever folded a piece of notebook paper or junk mail to make a makeshift envelope to hold
seeds.
You find yourself standing psychotically in your front yard at 3 AM stareing at your latest emerging
royal palm frond.
You've ran over several pedestrians at your first glimpse of Echo or MacArthur Park flora.
When your 5, 4, and 3 year old can enthusiastically identify all of the 45 different palms in the yard.
You carry around a bucket of seeds and toss them randomly in to the bushes of the freeway.
You get abusive and homicidal thoughts when some one says "I don't really care for palm trees".
You go NUTS in Northern California when you think how tropical it could look, and they can grow
MANY palms, but they choose to have the deciduous "oregon/temperate" look.
You almost lose conscieness when a friend (true story) visiting from Boston says, "Oh, there are
types of palms? I thought there was just one, a "palm".
You seriously eye those large pygmie dates around the closed down bank branch and entertain
thoughts of 3 AM raids.
When you return on a flight from back east to Los Angeles, getting a total rush hearing the
passengers say "Wow, look at the palm trees.
You've ever pulled the sheets off your bed in winter to wrap your favorite palm.
You've ever leveled your home to make more room to plant palms.
If you've ever cruised ghetto neighborhoods because you think you remember there being a nice
palm there.
You're 20 years old and obsessed with palms.
You almost have fender benders because you are craning your neck to see what kind of palm you
just passed.
You throw a fit when your neighbors trim too many live fronds off of their palms.
You get angry when the hardiness of certain palms is questioned in your growing zone.
You get mad when your foolish neighbors insist on planting butia capitata while there are tons of
nicer looking species hardy in your area.
You take a summer job at a delivery place just because it will allow you to cruise neighborhoods
and spot nice palms.
You use palms as landmarks when giving directions. (leading to much confusion) "Turn left at the
corner with the large phoenix reclinata".... "What are you talking about?!"
You put your potted palms in the garage instead of your car when a hurricane's coming. (true story)
Your family rolls their eyes at you when refer to your palms by their botanical names.
You get irritated at where the lines are drawn on the USDA Plant Hardiness Zone Map.
The first thing you do when you get home is to check your palms to see how much they have
grown.
Can't wait to get home to see if your palm order has arrived.
The second thing you do when you get home is get on the internet and check out the palm board.
Spend more time with your palms, than you do with your wife.
Your wife ask you what is more important "her or the palms " and you can't answer
because you know the truth will mean cooking your own dinner and you promised never to lie to
her.
You go to visit a fellow palm nut and you spend an hour in his backyard and have drank three of his
beers before he realises you are there.
When you give directions to your house by telling people to just look for the house surrounded by
palms.
You feel you've wasted money taking your girlfriend out to dinner that could have been spent buying
another plam to add to the hundreds you've already got.
You watch a TV program or film, set in some exotic location and find you're perving at the palms
instead of the girls.
You only take your family on holiday to locations where there are palms and you coincide the
holiday with seed harvesting time.
While watching rented videos you constantly rewind the tape to confirm the identity of a palm in the
background shot of the scene.
You've ever accidentally voiced the specie of a palm tree in a movie theater loud enough for others
to hear.
You take a Palm Tree identifier book with you on vacation.
Your neighbors start placing toy monkeys around the yard.
You offer palms (free) to your neighbors when they are landscaping.
You put off taking a summer vacation and convince your wife the money is better spent on palms.
You argue with your neighbors about the identity of a palm in their yard.
You yell and shout obscenities at the 5 year old who just removed a seedling from the front yard
[poor kid thought it was a weed].
You insist to your spouse that the "neglected" howea you "found" late one evening in the 15 ga.
container was closer to the dumpster in the industrial complex than to the entrance of the business.
According to your spouse, and deep down you know she might have a valid argument, your back
yard is overcrowded with too many palms, but you're certain a new ravenea will sit fine in the 2 ft.
wide section of earth between the concrete and backyard wall.
When your spouse examines the back yard, she asks about the new palm behind the shrub, and you
insist it's a volunteer Wodytia.
You consider what kind of job it will be when time comes to cut a section of concrete in the profile
of the encroaching trunk to relieve the stress on the patio.
You reluctantly give your next door neighbor a 15 gal. blue palm when you come to grips with the
realization that the balance of blues in your yard is overshadowing the others, but rather than selling
it, you'd rather have it close to home so you can still visit it from time to time and see it progress in
life.
You begin to examine your character when reading the alleged possible symptoms related in this
section, and you can answer "yes" to almost all of the above.
You go to cut the grass, then realize with a start that there is no grass, because there is no room,
because all available space is taken by palms.
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A Pure Palmaholic
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